Pregnancy and the chocolate enemy

Pregnancy and the chocolate enemy

A few weeks ago I mentioned in a post that I was craving sugary foods more than usual. The reason I gave was feeling especially stressed, and therefore my body was out of synch with its usual patterns. That was true, but it wasn’t the only reason!

Today marks my fourth month of pregnancy. Part of me keeps wondering how this happened (ok, I KNOW how it happened!) – because it’s still kind of surreal. I’ve been told I have a lot to look forward to in the next 5 months: ligament pain, nasal congestion, next level fatigue, boils (really), an almost comical loss of bladder control, that feeling of being a large and cumbersome house on a two legs. It all sounds so inviting.

The thing I’ve been most intrigued about though, is cravings. I’ve read the most extraordinary stories of a woman who craved rubber and ate car tyres, and someone else who developed an affinity for sponges. Imagine, you’re relaxing in your bubble bath about to wash, when you look at this sponge and you’re like, oh my sweet lord that looks so tasty, I must have a bite. Five minutes later, your husband walks in to find you with a guilty look on your face and polyester threads in your teeth.

To my disappointment, I haven’t experienced anything like that. I was looking forward to telling my daughter the weird shit she made Mommy eat. For me (and apparently half of all pregnant women), it’s just sugar. I don’t usually have a sweet tooth – I’m the person who will choose chips over chocolate or an extra portion of sushi instead of dessert (seriously, several times). But not now.

Now I am the lovechild of the Cookie Monster and Willy Wonka. My capacity for sugary things is superseded only by my hellbent desire not to be that person who puts on 10kg in hot dog weight during pregnancy. It’s a battle that I win only 50% of the time, but I am going down swinging.

Someone said to me that pregnancy cravings are about a woman’s body telling her what she needs. So if you crave milk, you need more calcium; if you can’t stop drinking orange juice, you’re deficient in vitamin C. I get the gist, but nobody needs the amount of sugar that I’m currently capable of eating. Trust me. And Crazy Sponge Lady doesn’t fit nicely into that box either, does she?

So while I head to the kitchen to pump out a plethora of sweet recipes – because my only hope is to have healthy chocolate substitutes when the Cookie Monster rears her head – you can look forward to all the weirdness and wonder that is the miracle of pregnancy, as well as the really shit side that no one talks about. Because I’m fair like that. Hopefully we’ll all learn something about staying healthy during what is surely the craziest few months of a woman’s life….

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