Lockdown Diaries: Day 1

The First Day

Except it’s not really the first day, as I’ve been working from home for a week and schools have been closed for approximately 2 years – sorry, I mean 8 days. We have been practicing for lockdown this past week, mainly by getting in each other’s way and clarifying our new family greetings, which consist of, “Lexi JUST WAIT!!!” and “Tarka GET OUT!!!” for the child and the dog respectively. As for each other, we stopped saying good morning on day 2.

Our plan for the next three weeks is simple on paper. Here’s what we aspire to.

7.00: wake up, have a leisurely coffee in bed while Lexi watches Paw Patrol

7.30: workout in the garden or lounge if following online class (Lexi to continue watching TV, dog should be in basket)

8.30: Breakfast

9.00: Mark starts work (I am working from home but since I’m in the travel industry, there is precious little to do right now)

9.00-11.00: art or music activity

11.00-12.00: screen time for Lexi (reading for me)

12.30: all gather in kitchen to make lunch as a family

13.00-14.00: Lexi has a lie down, I Netflix and chill

14.00-15.00: games activity

15.00: free play

17.00: chilled drinks on the patio, Lexi screen time

18.30: open bottle of wine, start preparing dinner

19.00: Lexi bedtime, Netflix and chill

Here’s what has actually happened so far on day 1.

6.30 – woken up by unearthly screeching from the child’s room. She’s fine, she just doesn’t like waking up.

6.35 – Lexi in bed with us, trying to go back to sleep.

6.36 –

Her: Mommy? Mommy?? Mommeeeeeeee!

Me: WHAT?

Her: I want to watch bacanoes (volcanoes) on your phone.

Me: No, we’re sleeping now.

Her: But I’m not tired.

Me: Doesn’t matter, go to sleep anyway.

Her: No. I want to watch bacanoes.

Me: No.

Her: I WANT TO WATCH…

Me: Ok ok here’s the damn volcanoes.

7.00 – drinking leisurely coffee in bed

7:01 – Lexi (from the lounge): Mommy? Mommeeeeee!!!!! I don’t like this Baby Bus (kid’s programme), you must come and change it.

7.08 – have been in lounge for 7 minutes trying to find the one episode of Baby Bus she wants. Coffee is cold.

7.30 – workout begins

Tarka lies on my yoga mat while I’m trying to do abs, we all practice family greeting, “Tarka GET OUT!”

Lexi runs past Mark while he’s doing chest flyers, nearly gets hit in the face with a brick.

Tarka licks the sweat off my stomach, Lexi thinks it’s funny and copies her. Both get a family greeting.

Tarka stands over my head while I do crunches, gets bashed in the face. Is unceremoniously picked up and locked in the bedroom.

Lexi climbs on Mark’s back while he’s doing push ups…this is one thing that actually works out.

Lexi is used as a weight for remainder of workout.

9.00 – no real achievements in the past hour. Sounds of toys being hurled out of boxes echo down the passage.

9.00-10.00  – Lexi has spent the last 45 minutes watching Strawberry Shortcake while I pace the house doing intermittent chores.

10.00 – art activity begins. Is it ok to stay inside and read while leaving your 3 year old unattended with a mountain of motion sand?

10.10 – no, no it is not. Future me will hate present me’s life choices.

FADE TO BLACK

FADE IN

It is now afternoon. Lexi has, in the past 4 hours:

• asked to go to the park 3 times
• when told no, has asked 3 times why not
• has started and stopped watching Strawberry Shortcake approximately 57 times, leaving the theme song on a permanent loop in my head
• refused to go to sleep
• cried tears of profound distress because she held her sausage out to the dog and the dog ate it (I mean, I want so badly to be sarcastic here but she’s 3 – I should wait a year, right?)

I have so much material I could have one endless lockdown blog just for day 1. Is it drink o’clock yet?

PS I will post something useful soon as well, like recipes to try when you’re stuck at home. But humour me in my plea for sympathy and gift vouchers for wine.