Diary of a desert diet

I haven’t consistently cooked healthy recipes in so long I almost had to google the concept again before starting this post. Let’s just say a LOT of fun – and chips – have been had in the interim.

First up we had family visiting for a couple of weeks, which involved introducing them to some of our favourite vegan recipes (great success) and also drinking wine every day (also great success of a very different type). Spoiler: I have not yet found the vegan equivalent of a glass of dairy milk to cure a hangover…watch this space.

After the family left, we planned and packed for 2 weeks before embarking on another life changing journey to AfrikaBurn. Here is a sample menu for a random day in the desert:

• Breakfast: jaffle (round toasted sandwich for you foreign folk) with vegan cheese and mushrooms
• Lunch: rolls with avo, mixed seeds and olives (yeah yeah, so far so healthy…just wait)
• Post lunch snack: Niknaks, Simba Smoked Beef chips and beer
• One hour post-post lunch snack: Original Pringles, Salt & Vinegar chips of various varieties and several bottles of champagne
• Very late afternoon snack: Chips of now indeterminate variety and wine, so much wine
• Dinner: wine
• Really late night drunk munchies snack: Enormous trough of Maggie’s 2 Minute Noodles, that delicious stockpile of MSG in a bag with about as much nutrition as a flip flop, accompanied by whatever alcoholic drink someone was stupid enough to leave lying around our campsite

Oh, you thought we were there for the art?

Ok, so maybe there’s a small exaggeration in there – some days we actually ate pre-prepped healthy meals and only a small molehill of chips as opposed to Table Mountain. And of course, Burn was about so much more than endless rounds of toasting with bubbles – but that’s another story. Let’s just say that overall, the desert diet leaves a vitamin or two to be desired.

After Burn we went away for a week with the same mayhem-causing London mates who flew all the way over here to get drunk in the desert with us. Better food was eaten, although no less wine was consumed.

My liver is dying, my phone is full of screenshots of healthy recipes that make me want to gag and I think I actually have to stop drinking wine. Temporarily. Because I can’t be a sober vegan, no one can be that boring (note: sarcasm…just in case).

In the aftermath of all the fun in the world, I’ll attempt to get back on the blogging bus with some inspired recipes. Just give me a moment to say a sobbing farewell to my 2 minute noodles.